Thank You, Jan!

My boppy is the coolest! I like to lay on top of it while I'm nursing with Mommy, it makes me feel so sleepy. Thank you for helping me remain stable and calm, Jan!

~Sylvie

Thank You, Aunt Jo!

This blanket is extra special because my Great Aunt Jo made it for me! She used such pretty colors. Isn't she so talented?! Thank you for thinking about me, Aunt Jo!

~Sylvie

Unemployed

Well, it's official. Last Thursday I quit my job of 4 years as a Pre-K teacher to stay at home with Sylvie. I can't believe I actually took the plunge and did it! It's been something that I've always dreamed of, but was never sure it could be a reality. With Ronny's new job in the district, I think we can swing it. Money is going to be very tight, but it's a sacrifice that will be worth the satisfaction of being with my baby all day, every day. After everything I've been through to get to this baby, there is no way I can miss all of the monumental changes that occur during her first year. I can always make more money, I can't always make more memories.

~Mommy

Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to the two best daddies in the whole wide world. We love you bunches, lots, and tons!



We had a good time at Grandma and Grandpa's house today. We skyped with Uncle Ryan and ate Rudy's BBQ, mmmmmmm. Sylvie broke in her bouncy chair.



Grandma made an apple pie, Grandpa's favorite. It was delicious, as per usual.



Aunt Cathy helped change Sylvie's diaper.



Uncle Chris declined, but gladly held Sylvie once she was clean.



Grandma and Grandpa babysat Sylvie while Daddy and I went to school to pack up and clean out. Now our garage looks like it threw up a Pre-K classroom. I've got a HUGE summer organization project on my hands. Ugh.

~Mommy

Thank You, Uncle Matt!

I love my cozy blanket. And my kitty is just about as big as me! Thank you for keeping me toasty warm, Uncle Matt!

~Sylvie

Thank You, Aunt Lisa!

I love my new car seat! Every time I get in, I am lulled right to sleep. Thank you for keeping me safe, Aunt Lisa, Uncle Roger, Cousin Griffin and Cousin Adriene!

~Sylvie

On The Mend

Sylvie was released from the hospital last Saturday. The doctors almost seemed uneasy about letting her go, reitterating that we should come back immediately if she has any other slight apnea incidents. On her discharge papers, the diagnosis read "Acute Life Threatening Event." That's a sure fire way to freak out mommy. Some one mentioned those terms were probably used to justify hospitalization for the insurance company. On Tuesday she had a follow-up appointment and was given a clean bill of health. She was up to 4 lbs 14 oz. Nursing continues to be a challenge, but we persevere. I'm just not sure how to make the transition from bottle to breast. There isn't much information out there other than annectodal so it appears as though I'm just going to have to figure out what works for us. What I have read, though, contradicts everything the NICU doctors told me. The resistance to breastfeeding from some neonatologist's perspective is that there is no way to precisely measure a baby's intake. However there are many alternatives that can be offered to babies not yet ready to nipple feed. Many other countries feed babies through a syringe or cup until they are ready to transition to nipple feeding. When a bottle is first introduced, it's a major setback for those who intend to later breastfeed. Babies often develop a preference for the bottle as it is instant gratification without much effort. Sylvie seems as conflicted as I am about all of this. She is so calm and comforted at the breast. I can tell she wants to nurse but struggles to stay awake for the time it takes to be satisfied. At the bottle she is frantic and stressed, but she deals knowing that she will soon be full. I've shed a lot of tears over our struggle this week. I feel so guilty and ashamed giving her the bottle, like it's a barrier between us. I desperately want to connect to my baby the way nature intended. I'm so afraid that the window of breastfeeding opportunity is quickly closing and I want to get through it before it does. The feedings are so time consuming that each session runs into the next. I start by offering her the breast for 20 minutes. She latches on to one side like a champ, the other side not so much. She mostly suckles for comfort, not nutrition. Then it takes her anywhere between 20-30 minutes on the bottle. When she's finished eating, I burp her, hold her upright in case she spits up, and wait for her to digest until I feel comfortable enough to lay her down. Then I pump for 20 minutes and when that's over, it's damn near time to start all over again. Sleep is but a distant memory. I can do this knowing that it's temporary, but (pumping) can not continue on a long term basis. The lactation consultants have been great with me, but truth be told, they don't have a lot of experience with breastfeeding preemies. According to them, most preemie moms end up bottlefeeding. The lc's are very impressed with my determination and keep close tabs on me, calling often to check in. I'm proud to report that my situation has prompted the lc's and nicu staff to collaborate more so and research further. Today my mom called one of her LLL friends for advice. She enlisted the help of a world reknowned lc who offered some great tips and encouragement. She reassured me that we're on the right track and we still have plently of time to establish a breastfeeding relationship. Lets hope it happens sooner rather than later. I refuse to give up, but I can certainly understand now why many do.

~Mommy

First Bath

Rub-a-dub-dub, a cute baby in the tub! At first, Sylvie was unsure what to think of her sponge bath. She started to fuss, peed on Mommy, and then quickly realized, "Hey, I kind of like this!" Freshly bathed babes smell sooooooooo good.

~Mommy

ER Visit and Hospitalization

Well, our home-coming was short lived. Early yesterday morning while I was (bottle) feeding Sylvie, she quit breathing several times. The intensity and frequency was far beyond anything it had been before. I rustled her around, patted her back, and blew in her face until she finally gasped for air. When she came to, her breathing was very labored, as if she had been running a marathon. Questioning whether I was an overreacting first time mom or my baby was seriously in danger, I woke Ronny and called the nurse advisory line. After answering a bazillion redundant questions and being put on hold forever, the nurse suggested we bring Sylvie to the emergency room. We quickly packed up and headed to Temple. Expecting a typical ER wait, I was surprised when we were seen right away. Maybe infants are a priority? The medical staff took us back to a room and began running tests. Sylvie handled the poking and prodding much better than her mom as they started an iv, inserted a catheter, x-rayed her chest, and suctioned mucus. She cried a little, but was easily soothed by my words and strokes. A resident consulted with the attending on duty and they concluded that Sylvie needed to be admitted for more tests and observation. Then the obligatory wait began. Ronny and I were so sleep deprived it was physically painful to sit upright in the bright, frigid, sterile exam room. I was running on an hour of sleep and Ronny not much more than that. Several hours passed before we were escorted to a private room in the pediatric ICU. It had been more than 24 hours since Sylvie was released from the NICU so she was no longer eligible to return there. Her brief exposure to the outside world could pose as a potential threat to the other NICU babies. I had grown accustom to and fond of the NICU so the unfamiliarity of this new environment was intimidating. The sight of Sylvie's cage-like, institutional-style aluminum crib prompted tears to flow. From me, not her in case that was not clear. It reminded me of those investigate reporting segments on Russian orphanages where the children are severely developmentally delayed due to lack of human interaction. I digress. Once we were settled in the room, a steady flow of doctors and nurses came in to exam Sylvie and question us. I had repeated the story so many times it was now a well-rehearsed script that just poured out. Her chest x ray revealed two small, yet concerning areas that appeared to be the start of pneumonia. As a precaution, she received several doses of antibiotics through her iv. The doctor ordered more rounds of tests to rule out some other possible causes for her condition such as whooping cough. Apparently there had been a recent outbreak in the county. Ronny and I alternated shifts through the night so we could take turns caring for Sylvie and resting. Sylvie has, thus far, proved to be a very content and easy baby, but she has seemed a little fussy during this hospital stay. Now I don't want my baby to be upset, but I must admit that I have enjoyed seeing her so comforted by nursing. It seems as though our breastfeeding relationship has improved and we've bonded even more so. I guess that's what happens during trying times. Today we learned that Sylvie's labs and urinalysis came back normal and she tested negative for RSV. However, she does have the paraflu virus, a mild form of influenza. There is no treatment, it just has to run it's course. This news coupled with the pneumonia diagnosis makes the doctors want to be overly cautious so they opted to keep her an extra night. We're hoping to be released tomorrow. In the meantime, Ronny and I are going to give Sylvie her first bath. 18 days old and the poor child has yet to be cleansed! Pictures to follow.

~Mommy

We're Home!

Sylvie was discharged from the hospital late Friday afternoon and we've hit the ground running! Hence, the lack of update. My apologies. Of course we're elated to finally have her home, but with any major life changing situation comes struggle. To say that we're "overwhelmed" would be an understatement of gross proportions. I had no inclinging I would react the way I did, but I pretty much fell apart once we got home. The house was a disaster, breastfeeding proved to be a challenge, and I was having intense (ir)rational fears of her stopping breathing. Things are getting better as we get into the groove of things, but this has been way more difficult than I ever anticipated. Cliche? Probably. True? Definitely. We spent most of the weekend staring at Sylvie, changing diapers, and feeding. Speaking of, Sylvie's diet has also been another huge stressor. I keep receiving conflicting advice and opinions from the hospital staff about breastfeeding preemies, leaving me feeling torn and guilty. Sylvie's neonatologist seems to be of the opinion that my breast milk isn't sufficient enough to meet her caloric needs and recommends that I supplement with fortified formula and vitamins. Conversely, the lactation consultant believes that my milk is better than anything synthetic. According to her, the doctors' knowledge of breastfeeding benefits are minimal and they are most interested in fattening up babies the quickest way possible and formula is a great "filler" that will pack on the pounds. In my mind it's the difference between eating one potato or five apples. I'm sure the nutrient values are not the same and maybe that's a terrible analogy, but it makes sense to me. Normally I would follow the guidance of the medical professional, but in this case my mother's intuition leads me to doubt her. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember what happened the last time I did that, but this is different. I am not disregarding her just to be difficult. After all, this is my precious baby and I want to do what's best to ensure she thrives. I have done a lot of research and everything I read says my body knows that I've had a baby prematurely and will compensate for Sylvie's early arrival by producing milk with extra nutrients than that of full term milk. In addition, she eats breast milk in larger amounts and with much more ease and comfort than formula. When she was being fed formula, she would often cough, choke, spit up, and forget to breathe, causing her heart rate (and mine) to drop. I absolutely dreaded feedings and that is certainly not the way it should be. With all that said, I left the hospital nodding my head in agreement with the neonatologist and promptly tossed the formula when we got home. Oops? I have been feeding my baby strictly breast milk and she loves it. In fact, today we had Sylvie's first pediatrician appointment and she is now up to 4 lbs 7 oz, a gain of 8 oz since Thursday-holla! That's my girl. :) Now we're faced with the question of when and at what rate can we wean away the EBM bottles and go exclusively to the breast. She's still small and tires easily so I want to give her some time to grow and mature. Breastfeeding is a more difficult skill that requires thought. I have high expectations for her, but also don't want to force her before she's ready. We're both still learning positions and latch. I'm also trying to find the confidence that she will be getting an adequate amount of milk. In other news, my incision is indeed infected so I'm on antibiotics. The doctors went ahead and stitched me up which makes me totally nervous to think they closed up grody germs inside of me. Hopefully the medicine will take care of it and I can put this all behind me. I am far more sore now that ever before. I'm going to attempt to get a few hours sleep before Sylvie wakes. I leave you with cuteness.

~Mommy

Homeward Bound?!

I'm back at the Ronald McDonald House on a break in between feedings. I just talked to Dr. Guo, Sylvie's neonatologist, and she said that we could take Sylvie home either tomorrow or Friday-it's up to us! Oh. My. God. They're going to let me take home a 3 lb. 14 oz. baby?! She's mine?! I actually get to keep her?! My mind is flooded with a wide range of emotions-elation, relief, concern, doubt, disbelief. Mostly I'm just nervous about her size-my baby is teeny tiny! Dr. Guo could sense my anxiety and offered to let us stay, as a family, in the transition suite overnight. It's set up like a hotel room for parents to adjust to caring for a preemie with the reassurance, education, and support of medical staff close by. At a moment's notice, a nurse or doctor could be there to lend a helping hand for us nervous first-timers. We opted to stay tommorow night as we anticipate little sleep and Ronny will only have to struggle through one more work day. Plus, it will give us a little time to pack up and check out. A mommy in the NICU warned me not to believe it until I see it. Apparently, she was told her baby was being discharged on 5 separate occassions and it didn't actually happen until the 6th time. But her baby had more issues than Sylvie. Every time she was about to go home, her heart rate would drop, something that automatically sets you back 7 days. Sylvie still has to have her biliruben checked and she has to pass her car seat test. I'm not holding my breath, but things are looking quite favorable.

~Mommy

P.S. Speaking of car seats, my awesome Aunt Lisa bought Sylvie hers. It's so nice! Thank you, Lisa!

Party At Sylvie's Crib

Today brought the Cresswell's more good news. Sylvie has graduated from her isolette to an open crib! She's maintained her body temperature so she no longer needs the regulation from the incubator. We knew she could do it! She was also put on ad-lib feedings, meaning she can eat how ever much she wants. We tried her with 40 ml and she seems satisfied with that amount. Dr. Guo also gave me the green light to nurse her at every feeding. You know I'm a happy mama! Now I know I'm probably biased, but I'm thinking this girl may be a bit advanced. I am, as are her doctors and nurses, shocked at how mature she seems to be and how quickly she's progressing. I had been giving it some time, but I finally asked about discharge criteria. Dr. Guo reiterated that Sylvie does not have to be a certain weight, she just has to...

• tolerate her feedings, check
• be with out heart rate drops for a week, check
• pass her car seat test, pending
• be at least 35 weeks (gestation), Wednesday (!!!)

I also have to take an infant cpr class so I'm registered for that on Wednesday. It seems as though "Wednesday" is a big day for us! I'm not getting my hopes up too high, but I have a sneaking suspicion our Sylvie is going to be coming home sooner than we expected. :) I had my follow up appointment in the clinic today and Dr. McBrayer commented on how well cared for my incision appears. After consulting with others, she decided to forgo stitching for now and let it heal from the inside out. We have to clean it twice a day and pack it with gauze. I go back on Friday to re-evaluate.

~Mommy